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My Adventures with Harrison Ford and Cap'n Crunch

I just got back from Zehrs a little while ago, and am now making this entry after enjoying an exquisite dinner consisting of one parfait, about 4 oatmeal cookies, 3 handfulls of Cap'n Crunch cereal, and 2 glasses of chocolate milk. I often brag about how good the food in Guelph is - for good reason - but I'm only really talking about campus food. On a day like today when I only have one class all day, I'd normally hang out at the library and get my meals around campus. But today I just didn't feel like it. Came home instead and had a nap. I've been very lethargic lately. I plan to spend the next 6 hours or so before going to bed preparing for my assignments and such this week. I have to write a one thousand word paper for Languages of the Media (more on this later probably). That's for Thursday, then for Friday I have to write another one thousand worder for Theatre. Yuck.

Friday was a good day. Mostly. I had most of the day off so I spent some time loitering in the UC, particularly around the booth a guy had set up where he was selling a ginormous collection of used music, dvds, and video games. I asked if he had any seasons of House kicking around, but they'd already sold. (I've never actually seen House - I can honestly say I don't watch TV more than like twice a month - but it's a show I've been meaning to check out.) I almost bought a random season of Law and Order: SVU, but then something caught my eye and it was love at first sight: the complete movie DVD collection of INDIANA JONES! Forty six bucks after tax. You also get a bonus material DVD with documentaries and stuff. Very interesting. So yeah, I had to get it because I hadn't seen those movies in awhile - in fact, I don't think I'd ever seen Raiders of the Lost Ark all the way through, so there you go. I seriously love Harrison Ford. He might be my favourite actor of all time, even if it's only because Han Solo and Indi Jones are both a dozen scoops of awesome. That is a good enough reason.

Anyway, back on track, on Friday night Peter and I went to the premier of Marina Monster which I worked on the tech crew for one summer.

I've been debating in my mind over how much of my personal thoughts I want to disclose about Marina Monster, (MM). I thought maybe I shouldn't say much because, well, this blog is open to the general public and somebody, including Christine Whitlock, could potentially read it - which wouldn't be a particularly good thing in view of the fact that I would like to work for her again, maybe. On the other hand, that is very unlikely, and even so I have the right, (especially as a person who studies the conventions of popular film) to pass judgment. So here it is.

Marina Monster is the worst movie I have ever seen, bottom line. I knew from the first day I was on the set that it was going to be abysmal. People kept telling me, "Give it a chance." "You'd be surprised what they can do in editing." Yeah, yeah. Two of the main problems are summed up in a lyric I just heard, ironically, as I was writing this, from Death Cab for Cutie's Tiny Vessels: "It was vile, and it was cheap." (That lyric is reffering to sex of course, but it reminded me a lot of MM too.) You can forgive a film for being low budget. That's not a really big deal. And you can even forgive a filmmaker for employing terrible actors, because maybe they don't have the finances for anyone better. What I can't excuse is horrible taste, no director's vision, outdated and highly offensive attempts at humor, and careless mistakes in editing and continuity.

Here is a summary of the things I hated about the movie:

The jokes weren't funny. In fact, the whole script is mostly garbage. There's maybe one decent line in the whole thing, and I don't remember it. There's a random "professor" type guy who appears periodically throughout the film making idiotic comments about the shark that's eating people. It's supposed to be funny, but it's really annoying. The acting. All horrid. The two main characters were the only ones with brief moments of talent, but they were given no direction so it was still no good. I could go on for ages about technicalities like continuity, characters upstaging eachother, careless camera mistakes, and so on. But all of that you could say is partially understandable due to time and money constraints. The absolute worst part is the script and just the general themes. MM is incredibly insulting to women (and men, but especially women.) Every female character is a helpless, idiotic slut. They are the antagonists of the movie, a constant nuisance to the men and the inciting factor in every problem.

You know what? I could go on, but I'm going to stop writing and work. I'm sorry, this post must be incredibly boring. You're thinking, "why can't you just say the movie was really bad and drop it." I couldn't because I think lots of movies are terrible. I couldn't because, on Saturday afternoon I watched a movie called "Just Friends" starring some dude and Amy Smart, and it was an empty, predictable movie that followed a formula that rarely fails at being entertaining. It was a bad movie, but I enjoyed it anyway because it maintained at least some level of professionalism. I can't just say that Marina Moster is a terrible film and be done with it, because it makes me angry. It's terrible on a different level, so much that it's more of an insult to the art than a foolish attempt at the art.

Anyway. I'm done. This post had very little to do with Harrison Ford or Cap'n Crunch, (much less my adventures with them, as cool as that could feasibly be), but the title stays because I like it.

Random Aside: I'm loving Radiohead again! I have to listen to "The Bends" like, 10 times a day. (The song, not the whole album.)

Also, chocolate milk is great.

posted by Dave @ 3:01 PM